A Handful of Recipes for Sorrow

by SO CONCERNED

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1.
shallow surface hollow face dire pur[pose hope I'm not too late now tear a piece out of my notebook make sure to draw those circles perfect careful, you don't want to do this wrong or you might be stuck writing the same old songs I've come to the conclusion that I don't wanna be here anymore satan in my room love you much too soon you don't remember when satan in my room loved you much too soon call me on my phone darling take me home you don't remember when
2.
Splattered 03:31
which were those? you know, those ones that glow he loves you he loves you he loves you he loves you you know, that one he has no one he loves you he loves you he loves you he loves you he loves you do you like my painting? all the colors splattered
3.
empty parking lots vacant shopping malls not so bothered anymore empty, anxious, and sore footprints leading up to the steps dim lights, how could I forget car low on gas stop by the station to get some snacks run into a kid that I know ask if I did work at home' tell him that I didn't know and then he asked me for a ride in the car he smelled so bad but that's okay because I'm nice he offered money I declined not so bothered anymore
4.
darling I can't breathe you don't believe me next time I'm here I'll remember to act differently sometimes don't wanna leave but practice misandry next time it's better to not wear your heart on your sleeves you were my everything now we're enemies you were my heart and soul now I'm nothing and cold
5.
wasted my breath I trusted you I don't know whether we're through walk out the door held out my hand I'll protect you spread on the floor head in my hands I've been here before I do not know haven't a clue whether we're through now on my own stripped from those arms I hope that you know this I hope you would notice paranoid, finally on my own now I hope you know this know this, all of it hope you would notice I hope you are better off now that you know this
6.
stuck in the cold where you'll belong work in the cold we're still writing the same old song we're still walking the same old path we're still walking the same old trek and if you're not first then you're last let's go faster, you're too slow I'll walk in your memory hesitation is a known enemy let's all form a single file line right now
7.
you take him away not just yet neutered and spayed he's more than a pet all of my clothes smell like you I refuse to do laundry what's wrong with me? I don't know
8.
you could never explain what was wrong with me and after all that I've done and after all of these things how are you still having fun? haven't seen you in months sorry I didn't return your calls and it's just all been so much and I just feel that by next time I'll be better equipped for next time you come around
9.
I think that you and I stupid conversation I try to talk sometimes often disappointed I try to look for answers I find that I find none and I think that I've realized I think about it everyday I think about you every night I try to go outside but it's the people I hate what it is you don't realize something you can't know something you don't realize something you can't know
10.
sit back, I didn't have a plan from the start you have such a grip on my heart and no matter what I did I would always find myself back to the place we were to where I was at before no matter what I tried and no matter where we went whenever I'm alone in my own I still do not feel safe I think it has something to do with my constant loathing and my ache I went to the park where we met rolled up another and all the things I cannot fathom come back to haunt me once again

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released February 18, 2023

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SO CONCERNED California

Hold your head and wish for an end.
Californian Emotional

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